The satisfaction of sitting back after a long and arduous task of house spring cleaning alone - Priceless.

I was just thinking about my passions in life.

I think about those people who are born into richer families; who are blessed with various opportunities to explore their passions. They get to learn various musical instruments, play various sports, go on excursions and outings, take up hobbies like photography, .

And now that they’re all grown up, its not so much of “living the high life”, but they are busy pursuing their passions in life. Some make it their full-time job/biz, with fruitful results.

Then again, I wasn’t short of such opportunities in life. I just didn’t pursue them to the fullest. Most of it because of pragmatic reasons. I had thought that without the safety net of a rich family, I had to cast my passions to the wayside and study a safe course and pursue a professional (read: safe) career.

But what’s so steady and safe about the world now? Nowadays being safe and steady isn’t enough, in fact it’s outmoded. Its those that are able to take the plunge and risk it all are those that have a chance of making it big. And if they have the passion for it, the higher their chances of success, and utility is all the more maximized. They can have their cake and eat it.

Most of them wouldn’t be able to do，without the safety net of rich backgrounds.

The M-shaped society as described in the wikipedia article rings all too true, especially over here in this small island with a sky-high Gini coefficient. Never has there been another time where wealth begets so much more wealth as now. The game rules have changed. Or maybe it’s been like that all along, and I’m just slow to realize it.

I don’t begrudge my lot in life. In fact, I think its great for me to not rely so much on others to achieve what I have today. But one thing I begrudge is my own risk-aversion, which has stuck with me throughout the years. That attitude has served me well by letting me scrimp and save. Yet it hinders me from various other riskier opportunities.

Now with some safety capital accumulated, its high time to relook at pursuing my passions. The problem is: what passion?

I’ve been asked if I am happy, and I answered, neutral.

That’s if you average out the feelings that I’m going through for the past few weeks. Happiness, sadness, anger and loneliness.

ZZZ

Some thoughts on happiness.

1. Sometimes, happiness is a state of mind.

It is perfectly fine and healthy to “fool” yourself by dwelling on the positive aspects rather than the negative. Rather than compare with others who are wealthier/happier/better all the time.

Sometimes, a little bit of bragging does wonders.

2. Other times, happiness needs some real life action.

One should take charge about the situation and not mope and whine. Neither should one “fool” himself into thinking that everything would be fine and dandy.

Budden hor… sometimes this requires hard work and courage. Mostly courage. (Speaking from personal experience)

3. Happy is about not taking things too seriously, not taking things to heart. Not to be too anal about things, not to constantly doubt nor distrust. Not to be so perfectionist and have overly high expectations. In other words, to be more open.

Like in those english sitcoms where the main characters gets all sorts of sarcastic remarks but he still brushes it off or gives a nice retort back. At the end of the day everyone’s still fine with each other.

4. Happiness is about being yourself. (Unless, well, being yourself means being depressed and sad and lonely and antisocial, which definitely is not means for happiness.)

Being true to one’s feelings, opinions, likes and dislikes, without any hiding in the dark.

I’ve always the feeling that I’m being repressed by others. So I can’t say stuff freely. Like on this blog. But sometimes its all in the mind.

So, adopting a heck care attitude = happiness.

5. Happiness can be provided by external factors sometimes. Like other people, or material stuff. It isn’t a bad thing per se.

But too much dependance on it = bad thing. What if it fails you?

The important thing is thus happiness derived from within. Things like self-worth, self-image, confidence, faith.

6. To reduce dependance on any single external factor, diversify.

And finally, happiness may be ideal, but it shouldn’t be the overarching goal of life.

There’s been some recent religion hoo-hah again, thanks to the likes of a pastor in SG.

Well, I watched the videos, and I found that it didn’t fully warrant the bad press it garnered (maybe it’s because I’m a Christian, so a bit biased there). But one thing about it irked me. No it wasn’t the way he joked ding dong dong, not the way he lambasted Buddhism/Taoism, but the way he pulled it off: by setting up the whole deal. To talk about other religions you need to demonstrate your understanding on them first, but instead he chose the easy way out by getting a straw man, and setting up an interview format that was heavily loaded right from the start. Guh.

Really, one thing that I loathe most about churches is: they always *seem* to be using underhanded tactics.

EG Instead of telling it on the mountains, they disguise it in the form of movies, etc so you could easily ask your unsuspecting nonbeliever friend “hey let’s watch a movie!” only to let them turn up and have an awkward silence moment when they realize that its a christian movie. Or EG they organize all sorts of activities and ask you to come, only to let you turn up and discover that (horrors upon horrors!) its actually to proselytize to you.

I’m tired of this schtick.

Maybe it’s because… they can’t call a spade, a spade? They can’t handle the truth? It’s not like you’re trying to preach to a group that gets resistance from government, etc and have to go undercover.

No wonder nonbelievers like to call Christians fakes.

I’m ok with these sort of things happening say in work, because hey I’m not there to make friends, if we can have a farcical relationship that would still be a-OK. But in a church where everyone wants to get all personal, well then let’s start with the most basic requirement of a relationship: it is two-way.

• If you want me to be open, you must be open yourself.
• If you want to poke and prod at my personal stuffs, you must be willing to let me poke and prod at your personal stuffs.
• If you want to point out and correct my faults, you must be willing to let me address your faults.
• Finally, if you want to talk down on other religions, be prepared to be talked down upon.

But the major problem is, most people at most times just can’t accept criticism without treating it like an affront to their religion. Like, let’s say for argument’s sake, I think that pastor just preached a lousy message. Can I openly say that to my cell group mates? But that is SACRILEGIOUS! Well if I can’t, I’ll take my gripes to my non-believer pals then, thank you. 

And if you can’t accept the truth, well you’ll have to settle for the abridged version. i.e. the fake me.

It is simple cognitive dissonance. When there’s a disconnect between feelings and actions, either my feelings will conform to my actions or my actions will conform to my feelings. Something’s got to give eventually. If I feel all fake-ish in church, eventually I will either start believing in the fake me that I put on, or stop going to church altogether. Simple, really.

Hmm, I shall see if they can take the truth or not.